A SOULFUL RELATIONSHIP
By Rev. Ronald McFadden
If you're not married, share this with a friend. If
you are married, share it with your spouse or other
married couples and reflect on it.
An African proverb states, " Before you get married,
keep both eyes open, and after you married, close
one eye".
Before you get involved and make a commitment to
someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity,
ignorance, pressure from others or a low
self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes
open, and don't fool yourself that you can change
someone or that what you see as faults aren't really important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his
or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and
differences will become more obvious.
If you love your mate and want the relationship to
grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one
eye and not let every little thing bother you. You
and your mate have many different
expectations,emotional,
needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths.
You are two unique individual children of God who
have decided to share a life together.
Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for
each other? Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or
do you compete, compare and control? What do you
bring to the relationship? Do you bring past
relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or
her. You can't make someone love you or make someone
stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual
discernment, and " a life", you won't find yourself
making someone else responsible for your happiness
or responsible for your pain.
Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and
selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving,
healthy, loving and lasting relationship! Seeking
status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong
reasons to be in a relationship.
What keeps a relationship strong?
Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor,
sharing household tasks, some get away time without
business or children and daily exchanges (a meal,
shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note).
Leave a nice message on the voicemail or send a nice
email.
Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is
important. Grow together, giving each other space to
grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to
have outside interest.
You can't always be together. Give each other a sense
of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try
to control one another?
Learn each other's family situation. Respect his or
her parents regardless.
Don't put pressure on each other for material goods.
Remember for richer or the poorer. If these qualities
are missing, the relationship will erode as
resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty,
and pain replace the passion.
The difference between "United" and "Untied" is
where you put the "i"?
